( I am warning all of you who value your lives in advance. You steal this and you face the wrath of my companion TessNikala and mine. You have been warned. Thank you.)

Writing is pending.. this might take a long time.

Sorting Hat:
"Oh you may not think I'm pretty," but what the fuck are you looking at ugly?! Oh! Great! Now I messed up! Now I'll have to start over. Thanks Ugly!
:takes a puff: But don’t… wait… what was it again? :takes another drag: HAHAHAHA!!!Ok. :mumble: !@#$%^&!! Ok….Ok.

"Oh you may not think I'm pretty, but don't judge on what you see," I am your master and all will obey! you are my slaves and all will obey! Even the Ugly Kid. (What?) Oh wait, that was last years.

You! First kid! Get your ass up here! :drags:
(First kid not even up yet) RAVENCLAW!!! :quietly: Aheehehehehe. Heh... AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Its the Ugly Kid! We meet again! Ok.....Ok... : Ugly Kid puts S.H. on: .....Ok. ummm...Ok. Um..Beauxbatons! Oh wait, um.. HOGWARTS! No no DUMBLEDORE!!! Oh! Fuck it! Pick your own house Ugly!!
Actually, you! Yeah you! The Fat one! Come here. :drag: (Malfoy walks up) MUNCHIEEESSS!!!

Malfoy: AHHH!!!!!! :S.H. sucks Malfoy's head:

:Malfoy is dead:

S.H.: AHAHAHAHA!!!!! I slayed the Fat Kid!!!! : goes on for another hour: (Only Ugly Kid, Harry, Hermione, and Ron are left.)

S.H.: Ugly Kid! Come Here!! : Ugly kid runs screaming. S.H. jumps on his head and sucks on head.:

S.H.: NOOOOOO!!!!!

Dumbledore: What is wrong Sorting Hat?

S.H.: My POT!!! My crank!!! It's gone!!!NOOOOOO!!! The only good thing those muggles are for!!!!